The Curious Case of the Romantic Asexual

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R is for romantic

By now I think we all know what the text book definitions of heterosexual and homosexual are, but orientations aren’t just sexual– they’re also romantic.

In the same sense that a homosexual or heterosexual has a gender preferences in their sexual attraction, and even in the same way that bisexuals, known for their fluidity ability to potentially be attracted on a romantic or sexual level to either sex, they also have their gender preference too (because 50/50 appreciation is not actually a thing).

Case in point Joe. Joe likes blondes. Joe likes blondes so much you might say he has a preference for them since 9 times out of 10 if he’s dates them they have a head full of golden locks.Even still, his love for blondes doesn’t mean he’s in capable of settling down with a nice brunette or red head. Now say Joe were bisexual, its kind of similar. If Joe were to date through the course of his life 20 women, and care for them passionately, but only share a single love affair with a man; the fact that he identifies as bisexual, has and does not change. He’s not less bisexual because of the number of women he’s romanced verses men. He likely just has a stronger preference for women.

If that made sense to you, wrap you brain around this: asexualss identify as hetero-asexual, homo-asexual, and bi-asexual.

How can this be you ask? Well, just because they may be averse wanting to knock boots, it does not mean they don’t like people, or have gender relationship preferences as well. Sex drive or not, they’re perfectly capable of having relationships. To society sex is a way of life, to this group of society it’s by no means a necessity because their physical attraction for sexual conduct isn’t there. But even that doesn’t mean that asexuals are not capable of having sex. Some may happily chose to be in relationships, and some may have sex because they love their partner, or have the want to be a parent. Asexualss may even like sex with a certain person for other reasons not related to physical longing. To understand this further you really need to speak to an asexual and allow them to explain it. I recommend visiting www.asexuality.org (the world’s largest online asexual community) for all your asexual FAQ’s.

An affectional orientation

Asexuality does not mean someone who does not want to be in a relationship. For those without an inherent sexual attraction, a romantic orientation is a part of the affectional spectrum, and is a term that, “is based on the perspective that sexual attraction is but a single component of a larger dynamic. To holders of this view, one’s orientation is defined by whom one is predisposed to fall in love with, not whether or not one desires that person sexually.”

Asexual tend to use this descriptive term because they feel attraction based on mental, emotional, and physical/aesthetic, and it does describe the reality of those that want to be in a relationship.

Identifiers of this way of life can be:
bi-romantic, meaning they are romantically attracted to people or either gender
hetero-romantic, aka romantically attracted to people of the opposite sex
homo-romantic because they’re romantically attracted to people of the same sex

And this is how we end up with people who identify as biromantic asexual-meaning they are attracted to men and women and want to be in close relationships, but they don’t possess feelings of sexual attraction period.

"Sexual & Romantic Expression"

 

 

Then there’s aromantic

 

*A previous version of this was post was posted on Bifactor.com; this is an updated version

Writer and curator of interesting12, Maggie is a DC based writer with a heart for nonprofits, a passion for complicated people, and lover of all things well designed and well said. This former longtime LA resident is a firm believer we should be challenging ourselves to discuss what affect us in this world and how. She’s opinionated, a teller of both sides of the story, and some say she’s clever.